Story House

小说坊

有人爱用雨伞

打我的头

There’s a Man in the Habit of Hitting Me on the Head with an Umbrella

这是一个奇异的超现实主义小说。文章的首句“有人爱用雨伞打我的头”就很怪异，但这句话并没有完全交代清楚环境或叙述者与攻击他的人之间的相互关系。而读者会认为，这名叙述者只是定期遇到一个用雨伞打他头的人。然而，随着故事的展开，我们才意识到，事实上，这个奇怪的人分分秒秒都在尽力用他的伞去敲打叙述者的头。这个小说似乎只是在叙述习惯的形成以及我们是如何渐渐接受这个习惯的。可是，在情节方面这个小说却有点让人困惑不清。在他们相遇的第一天，当叙述者仍旧没有摆脱雨伞的敲击后，要跑离折磨他的人时，他注意到“如果我继续迫使他以那种速度追跑的话，这个折磨我的人就会倒地而亡”。当然，他不会真的倒地而亡，但这个叙述者却把这当作一个借口，放慢了速度并容忍了那些敲打。向攻击他的人屈服的借口难以令人信服，所以人们不禁想问，这名叙述者是否在某种程度上着了谜，愿意与那个雨伞恶棍建立潜在的相互关系。那样的话，这个小说是不是在讲述人们无论是在多么不满、多么一相情愿的情况下都想与其他人进行接触的特性呢？只为了与其同伴呆在一块，一个人将会为此付出怎么样的代价啊？

< 一 >

There’s a man in the habit of hitting me on the head with an umbrella. It’s exactly five years today that he’s been hitting me on the head with his umbrella. At first I couldn’t stand it, now I’m used to it.

有人爱用雨伞打我的头。他总是用雨伞打我的头，迄今为止已经整整5年了。刚开始的时候我还不能忍受，可现在已经习惯了。

I don’t know his name. I know he’s average in appearance, wears a gray suit, is graying at the temples, and has a common face. I met him five years ago one sultry morning. I was sitting on a tree-shaded bench in Palermo Park, reading the paper. Suddenly I felt something touch my head. It was the very same man who now, as I’m writing, keeps whacking me, mechanically and impassively, with an umbrella.

我不知道他叫什么。我只知道他相貌平平，身穿灰色外套，太阳穴发灰，有一张大众脸。在5年前的一个闷热的上午，我遇到了他。我当时是在泊莱墨公园里，坐在一张有树荫遮蔽的长椅上看报纸。突然，我感到什么东西碰到了我的头。结果我发现，就是这个我正在谈论的男人在打我，他现在还不停地用伞打我，动作机械、毫无表情。

On that occasion I turned around filled with indignation, he just kept on hitting me. I asked him if he was crazy, he didn’t even seem to hear me. Then I threatened to call a policeman. Unperturbed, cool as a cucumber, he ①stuck with his task. After a few moments of indecision, and seeing that he was not about to change his attitude, I stood up and punched him in the nose. The man fell down, and let out an almost inaudible moan. He immediately got back on his feet, apparently with great effort, and without a word again began hitting me on the head with the umbrella. His nose was bleeding and, at that moment, I felt sorry for him. I felt remorse for having hit him so hard. After all, the man wasn’t exactly bludgeoning me; he was merely tapping me lightly with his umbrella, not causing any pain at all. Of course, those taps were extremely bothersome. As we all know, when a fly lands on your forehead, you don’t feel any pain whatsoever; what you feel is annoyance. Well then, that umbrella was one humongous fly that kept landing on my head time after time, and at regular intervals.

那时，我愤怒地转过身，可他还是不停地打我。我问他是不是疯了，他似乎根本就没听到我说话。我随即威胁说我要报警。但他依然泰然自若，没有什么反应，继续打我。我犹豫了片刻，在看出他的态度不会发生改变后，站了起来，一拳打在了他的鼻子上。这个男的摔倒了，发出了一声极其微弱的呻吟。他迅速站起来，但明显是费了很大的劲，然后又开始一声不吭地用伞打我的头。他的鼻子在淌血，就在那一刻，我感到有点对不住他。我后悔自己出手过重。毕竟，这个人不是用棒子打我；他只是在用伞轻轻敲打我的头，根本就不疼。不过，这样的轻敲肯定是极其恼人的了。我们都知道，当一个苍蝇落在你的额头时，你根本就不会感到疼，你只有一个感觉——恼怒。那么，那把雨伞就像一只硕大无比的苍蝇，反复不停地在你头上飞起落下，而且还是有间歇规律的。

Convinced that I was dealing with a madman, I tried to escape. But the man followed me, wordlessly continuing to hit me. So I began to run (at this juncture I should point out that not many people run as fast as I do). He took off after me, vainly trying to land a blow. The man was huffing and puffing and gasping so that I thought, if I continued to force him to run at that speed, my tormenter would drop dead right then and there.

当我认定我遇到了一个疯子时，我试图溜走。但这个男的还是跟着我，一声不响地继续打我。所以，我开始狂奔（在这个节骨眼上，我敢说，很多人都没有我跑得快）。他在后面紧追不舍，总想打到我。那个男的呼吸开始变得急促、气喘不断，所以，我想，如果我继续迫使他以那种速度追跑的话，这个折磨我的人就会倒地而亡。

temple /`templ/ n.太阳穴

sultry /`s7ltri/ adj.闷热的

whack /(h)w2k/ vt.重打；击败

unperturbed /`7np9`t8bd/ adj.泰然自若的

moan /m9un/ n.呻吟

remorse /ri`m5s/ n.懊悔；自责

bludgeon /`bl7dE9n/ vt.用大头棒打

humongous /hj6`m7MG9s/ adj.<俚>极大的；其大无比的

interval /`int9v9l/ n.时间间隔

huff /h7f/ v.喘气

puff /p7f/ v.喘息

gasp /G3sp/ v.透不过气来

① stick with 坚持做（某事）

That’s why I slowed down to a walk. I looked at him. There was no trace of either gratitude or reproach on his face. He merely kept hitting me on the head with the umbrella. I thought of ②showing up at the police station and saying, “Officer, this man is hitting me on the head with an umbrella”. It would have been an unprecedented case. The officer would have looked at me suspiciously, would have asked for my papers and begun asking embarrassing questions. And he might even have ended up placing me under arrest.

这就是为什么我又渐渐慢了下来，改成走路。我看着他。而他的脸上却没有流露出丝毫感恩或责难的神情。他只是继续用伞打我的头。我想到了去警察局，然后报警“警官，这个男的用伞打我的头”。这可是一个前所未有的案件啊。警官会心怀疑虑地审视我，要求我出示证件，并开始询问一些令人尴尬的问题。而最后，他甚至还会逮捕我。

I thought it best to return home. I took the 67 bus. He, all the while hitting me with his umbrella, got on behind me. I took the first seat. He stood right beside me, and held on to the railing with his left hand. With his right hand he unrelentingly kept whacking me with that umbrella. At first, the passengers exchanged timid smiles. The driver began to observe us in the rearview mirror. Little by little the bus trip turned into one great fit of laughter, an uproarious, interminable fit of laughter. I was burning with shame. My persecutor, impervious to the laughter, continued to strike me.

我想，最好的办法就是回家了。我上了67路汽车。而他，一直在用他的伞打我，也跟着我上了车。我坐在第一个座位上。他紧挨着我坐了下来，左手握住扶手。而右手则不停地用伞来打我。起初，乘客们只是偷偷地相视一笑。司机也开始通过后视镜来观察我们。渐渐地，车上的人忽然大笑起来，笑声肆无忌惮、没完没了。羞辱感席卷了我的全身。打我的那个人没有受到笑声的影响，继续打着我。

I got off – we got off – at Pacifico Bridge. We walked along Santa Fe Avenue. Everyone stupidly turned to stare at us. It occurred to me to say to them, “What are you looking at, you idiots? Haven’t you ever seen a man hit another man on the head with an umbrella?” But it also occurred to me that they probably never had seen such a spectacle. Then five or six little boys began chasing after us, shouting like maniacs.

我——我们——在帕西费克大桥下了车。我们沿着桑塔菲大街行走。每个人都傻了吧唧地开始盯着我们。而我就对他们说：“你们看什么，白痴？没见过一个人用伞来打另一个人的头吗？”但在我看来，他们好像真的从来没有见过这样的景象。五六个小孩跟在我们身后，像疯子一样狂喊。

But I had a plan. Once I reached my house, I tried to slam the door in his face. That didn’t happen. He must have read my mind, because he firmly seized the doorknob and pushed his way in with me.

我想好了一个对策。一旦我到了家，我就试着在他进来前用力关上大门。但这没有成功。他一定是看穿了我的心思，因为他紧紧抓住了门把手，推搡着我走进屋中。

From that time on, he has continued to hit me on the head with his umbrella. As far as I can tell, he has never either slept or eaten anything. His sole activity consists of hitting me. He is with me in everything I do, even in my most intimate activities. I remember that at first, the blows kept me awake all night. Now I think it would be impossible for me to sleep without them.

从那时起，他就不停地用他的伞打我的头。我能告诉你的是，他从来没有睡过觉或吃过任何东西。他唯一的活动就是打我。我做什么他都跟着，甚至是在我做一些最最隐私的活动时也是如此。我记得，最初的时候，这些敲打使我整宿夜不能寐。而现在，我却认为没有这些敲打我是睡不着觉的。

reproach /ri`pr9utH/ v.责备

unprecedented /7n`presid9ntid/ adj.空前的

railing /`reiliM/ n.扶手

unrelentingly /`7nri`lentiMli/ adv.无情地

uproarious /7p`r5ri9s/ adj.闹哄哄的

interminable /in`t8min9bl/ adj.无限的；冗长的

impervious /im`p8vj9s/ adj.不受影响的

maniac /`meini2k/ n.疯子；狂人

intimate /`intimit/ adj.亲密的；隐私的

weird /wi9d/ adj.怪异的

animosity /,2ni`m4siti/ n.仇恨；憎恶

foreboding /f5`b9udiM/ n.预感；先兆

② show up 出现；到场

③ still and all 尽管如此

④ in any event 无论如何

③Still and all, our relations have not always been good. I’ve asked him, on many occasions, and in all possible tones, to explain his behavior to me. To no avail: he has wordlessly continued to hit me on the head with his umbrella. Many times I have let him have it with punches, kicks, and even – God forgive me – umbrella blows. He would meekly accept the blows. He would accept them as though they were part of his job. And this is precisely the weirdest aspect of his personality: that unshakable faith in his work coupled with a complete lack of animosity. In short, that conviction that he was carrying out some secret mission that responded to a higher authority.

尽管如此，我们之间的关系总是不和谐。我曾经在许多场合，以各种语气要求他解释他为什么那样对我。这全然无用：他还是继续一声不吭地用伞打我的头。很多次，我曾经拳打、脚踢他，甚至——上帝宽恕我吧——用雨伞揍他。而他则会温顺地接受雨伞的击打。他能接受这些击打，仿佛那就是他的工作之一。而这恰恰就是他个性中最怪异的地方：其工作信念坚定，并且完全没有厌恶感。简而言之，就是他深信自己是在从事某项只向高层管理人员汇报的秘密任务。

Despite his lack of physiological needs, I know that when I hit him, he feels pain. I know he is weak. I know he is mortal. I also know that I could be rid of him with a single bullet. What I don’t know is if it would be better for that bullet to kill him or to kill me. Neither do I know if, when the two of us are dead, he might not continue to hit me on the head with his umbrella. ④In any event, this reasoning is pointless; I recognize that I would never dare to kill him or kill myself.

尽管他缺乏心理上的需求，但我知道当我打他时，他感到了疼痛。我知道他是虚弱的。我知道他是个凡人。我还知道，我只用一颗子弹就能解决掉他。我不知道的是，这颗子弹到底是杀了我好呢，还是杀了他会更好一点。我也不知道，当我们两个都死了以后，他是否还会用他的伞来打我的头。但无论如何，这种推理是没有意义的；我意识到我是绝对没有勇气来杀掉他或干掉我自己的。

On the other hand, I have recently come to the realization that I couldn’t live without those blows. Now, more and more frequently, a certain foreboding overcomes me. A new anxiety is eating at my soul: the anxiety stemming from the thought that this man, perhaps when I need him most, will depart and I will no longer feel those umbrella taps that helped me sleep so soundly.

而另一方面，我最近才意识到，没有这些敲打我是活不下去的。现在，某种预感越来越频繁地涌上我的心头。一种新的不安正在折磨着我的精神：这种不安是因为我想到了，这个人也许会在我最需要他的时候离开，而我就再也感觉不到这些帮我安心睡眠的雨伞敲打了。